Hello, I have to comment on your essay on your home page. First, I will check on your grammar and then content. My comments will be highlighted using capitalized letters.
Marwan Alkweldi.
Teacher Mohd Mazhafar Idrys.
Writing (Gold A).
6 April 2010.
Blackberry Vs iPhone
In these days the mobile phones become one of the things that we take with us everywhere we go and a very important part of our life, and also the mobile phone phones HAVE BECOME not just advice that we use to make calls but more than that. So from here the mobile phone manufactories compete to make the best mobile PHONES SO that they can get more profits.
IF you want to buy new mobile you will find many (REPETITION) designs and types of mobiles that COME IN MANY DESIGNS. Although the iPhone is the most popular mobile in the world right now, I believe that the Blackberry is better than iPhone in many functions.
May BE IT IS right that the iPhone looks amazing and its designs haVE made a revolution in ell phone world ,but this HAS ALSO causeD less BATTERY life .Unlike the iPhone, the A Blackberry’s better life lastS longer which makes it less reliable for corporate use (YOU NEED TO QUOTE A STUDY OR ANY FACT FROM A WEBSITE TO SUPPORT THIS CLAIM).
All of us know how much IT is important to have mobile phone with good features camera like A Blackberry. FOR example, the iPhone camera features is LIMITED TO only 2 mega pixels; in CONTRAST, the Blackberry camera features 3.2 mega pixels with image stabilization, auto-focus, white balance, variable zoom and flash. (GOOD COMPARISON!)
We receive a lot of e-mails every day and we DO NOT want to miss any one of THEM A Blackberry IS EQUIPPED WITH Microsoft Exchange server has intelligent push email service which downloads the message immediately on the phone and an LED indicates that a new message has been received, while the iPhone recognises new messages in 15 minutes and needs to be checked actively by the user (THIS CLAIM NEEDS TO BE SUPPORTED BY A STUDY).
Over all of this the blackberry can be found on both AT&T and Verizon, while iPhone can be found only on the AT&T network (IS THIS A PARAGRAPH?).
In conclusion, if you ARE looking for the best mobile PHONE that you can RELY ON AND EASILY NAVIGATE, A Blackberry PHONE IS COULD BE YOUR ONLY OPTION .With all of these features and more the blackberry is the best mobile phone in the world. (PLEASE LOOK UP IN YOUR TEXT BOOK ON THE WAYS OF HOW YOU COULD CONCLUDE YOUR ESSAY).
CONTENT: IN TERMS OF CONTENT, YOU HAVE PROVIDED SUFFICIENT CONTENT AND CLEAR DETAILS. WHILE YOU HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT THE DIFFERENCES, SOME OF YOUR CLAIMS NEED TO BE SUPPORTED WITH OTHER STUDIES)
Hello, I have to comment on your essay on your home page. First, I will check on your grammar and then content. My comments will be highlighted using capitalized letters.
ReplyDeleteMarwan Alkweldi.
Teacher Mohd Mazhafar Idrys.
Writing (Gold A).
6 April 2010.
Blackberry Vs iPhone
In these days the mobile phones become one of the things that we take with us everywhere we go and a very important part of our life, and also the mobile phone phones HAVE BECOME not just advice that we use to make calls but more than that. So from here the mobile phone manufactories compete to make the best mobile PHONES SO that they can get more profits.
IF you want to buy new mobile you will find many (REPETITION) designs and types of mobiles that COME IN MANY DESIGNS. Although the iPhone is the most popular mobile in the world right now, I believe that the Blackberry is better than iPhone in many functions.
May BE IT IS right that the iPhone looks amazing and its designs haVE made a revolution in ell phone world ,but this HAS ALSO causeD less BATTERY life .Unlike the iPhone, the A Blackberry’s better life lastS longer which makes it less reliable for corporate use (YOU NEED TO QUOTE A STUDY OR ANY FACT FROM A WEBSITE TO SUPPORT THIS CLAIM).
All of us know how much IT is important to have mobile phone with good features camera like A Blackberry. FOR example, the iPhone camera features is LIMITED TO only 2 mega pixels; in CONTRAST, the Blackberry camera features 3.2 mega pixels with image stabilization, auto-focus, white balance, variable zoom and flash. (GOOD COMPARISON!)
We receive a lot of e-mails every day and we DO NOT want to miss any one of THEM A Blackberry IS EQUIPPED WITH Microsoft Exchange server has intelligent push email service which downloads the message immediately on the phone and an LED indicates that a new message has been received, while the iPhone recognises new messages in 15 minutes and needs to be checked actively by the user (THIS CLAIM NEEDS TO BE SUPPORTED BY A STUDY).
Over all of this the blackberry can be found on both AT&T and Verizon, while iPhone can be found only on the AT&T network (IS THIS A PARAGRAPH?).
In conclusion, if you ARE looking for the best mobile PHONE that you can RELY ON AND EASILY NAVIGATE, A Blackberry PHONE IS COULD BE YOUR ONLY OPTION .With all of these features and more the blackberry is the best mobile phone in the world. (PLEASE LOOK UP IN YOUR TEXT BOOK ON THE WAYS OF HOW YOU COULD CONCLUDE YOUR ESSAY).
CONTENT: IN TERMS OF CONTENT, YOU HAVE PROVIDED SUFFICIENT CONTENT AND CLEAR DETAILS. WHILE YOU HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT THE DIFFERENCES, SOME OF YOUR CLAIMS NEED TO BE SUPPORTED WITH OTHER STUDIES)